Catching up for now....

So the other day my mom sent me an email reminding me that I had not updated my blog since July 4th.  (I'm glad at least my mother still checks my blog for new posts....)

But, JULY 4TH!!  Where has the time gone?  And what happened to my new year's resolution to blog more often?  I just looked and I have posted exactly 22 times this year.  Stellar.

Sidenote:  This is why I rarely make new year's resolutions....they are always (as the boy I watch after school says) "an epic fail".

The truth is, I don't even know where to start.  And when I think about all that has happened since July 4th....I'm just so far "behind".  There have been vacations and fun summer activities and back to school and 3 family birthdays and parties and extracurricular activities and.....{sigh}.  They will never be captured on my blog. 

So.  I am just going to start with where I am right now and what we've been up to.

This fall has been unique for me, in that I have my mornings (M-Th) all. to. myself.   You would think I would be coffee shop-hopping and mall-shopping and just generally living it up.  But no.  So far it has been just very busy.  I have been leading a Bible study on Wednesday mornings.  I have been trying (TRYING!) to squeeze in some exercise a few of those mornings.  You know, I can't even tell you what all I've been doing but my house is still not nearly as clean and organized as I'd like and I still fall into bed exhausted every night!  But what I do know is that it has been full of good stuff....I'm happy and feel productive and love to volunteer and help out people who are needing help (which is what has also taken up some of my mornings) so I feel in general it is time very well spent.

This fall my life has definitely also made another transition....to taxi-driver mom.  The kids have all gotten involved in extra activities so it means a lot more running around for Chad and me....but I am happy to be doing it so that they can be participating in things they enjoy!  But I will say that the hours of 4-9pm have become completely insane around here!

I am very proud of Audrey this fall.  She has taken on a number of extras this fall (at her own initiative) and she is handling it all very gracefully.  She took the risk at school to try out for "select choir" and she made it!  So two mornings a week she is at school early for practices.  I am so excited to hear her and the rest of the kids sing at their holiday concert....although we get some sneak peeks (? sneak listens?) since I often hear her singing to herself around the house.  She also has begun clarinet through the school and she seems to be enjoying it quite a bit....and so far I haven't had to harass her about practicing.  She and a few of the other neighbor kids have even taken their instruments outside to make a little band. So far they can play "Hot Cross Buns".  ;)  She also joined Girls on the Run, which is a running club that focuses on positive choices, healthy behavior, body image and self-esteem and (of course) - running.  She will run a 5K in December at the conclusion of the group and I will be her running buddy!  And of course - she is keeping up with gymnastics at the Y on Saturday mornings.  She has turned our basement into a gym complete with a vault (our ottoman), floor (couch pillows), and beam (support beam of couch when the pillows are off ).  She also "trains" Carter & Chloe and they regularly invite us to their "gymnastics shows".  :) 

Carter started first grade and honestly....I was wondering how it was going to go.  He is a boy who likes to do what he likes to do....and doesn't like to do what he DOESN'T like to do. And school is really a mixed bag.  There is a lot of sitting and listening and reading and writing.  He is a bright boy but he doesn't love to sit around reading - unless the reading is lego instructions or something. :)  Anyhow, you get my point.  But so far, I have been pleasantly surprised with how he has handled being at school all day.  He goes happily and comes home happily.  He does not love homework....but he does it.  This fall he is playing soccer and he joined Cub Scouts.  This means a few evenings out each week, which is not ideal - but so far he seems to be handling it all pretty well.  In the meantime, I try to give him plenty of time to play legos or knex or baseball or whatever so he can have time to "do what I want to do"!

Then there is Chloe.  She is LOVING preschool this year.  She loves reading and coloring and doing crafts and singing and playing. I love to watch her making friends and learning to be increasingly independent.  This fall she is also taking gymnastics and she does very well at it.  One week there was a running/jumping up on a vault combo that she struggled to do for most of the class, so the teacher helped her with it.  The next week, when they started the same activity on the vault, she went up to the teacher and stated "Don't help me.  I can do it myself."  And then marched off and....did it herself.  This is completely classic Chloe.  She is very determined and persistent and does not easily give up - which I love about her.  Except for when she is using that skill to resist me, of course. :)  It is hard to believe that she will be a kindergarten student next year, and it makes me a little sad since she is my baby and all.

So now we are starting to look toward the holidays....hopefully I will be a better blogger as all the fun fall holidays come and go!

I finally completed a pinterest project.....

I am someone of grand intentions and sometimes not-so-great follow-through.

{Please tell me I am not the only one with a storage room full of supplies and half-completed projects???}

I have had a variety of conversations with Chad that go something like this:
C (standing in our storage/laundry room):  "What IS this stuff here in this plastic bag?"
Me:  "Oh yeah, I bought that at Michael's so I could make this, um, thing that I saw, well, yeah, it never got made, here I'll just put it over here"  (in the Island of Misfit Projects....) 

So I am proud of myself because I finally finished a pinterest project and even hung it up.....after weeks of working on it!  I like how it turned out, but I feel like it needs a little something to make it pop.  What do you think?

I love that it has my Chloe's hand and foot prints, and I also love the message!

Now off to find another half done project to complete.  Or perhaps I should just deal with the dishes for now? :) 

To Carter, my 6 year old boy

Dear Carter,
Today you are 6 years old.  I know I sound like all grown-ups when I say this, but I can't believe you are already six.  It really doesn't seem like all that long ago you were the little guy that I was chasing down the sidewalk, and here you are, counting money and building elaborate cars out of K'nex and losing teeth.  You probably won't read this for a long time....but I write it just to capture a picture of who you are right now.  I don't want to forget this stage of your life, and maybe you will want to remember it someday too. 

You were a very much longed-for baby.  You already know this, but after Audrey was born I had another baby in my tummy that died.  It made me so sad.  I REALLY wanted to have another child right away, but I had to wait for nine long months until God put you in my tummy.  I know that doesn't seem like a super long time, but it felt like an eternity then.  I was so, so happy when I found out you were in there and again when I found out you would be a boy.  And when you were born?  Well, my joy was complete.

I love watching you become who God made you to be.  Even at 6, you have such an amazing mind.  You learned to read when you were four, and you read so well now.  When we read together, I see words that I don't think you would know, but....yup, you know them.  You have a great memory for things that interest you.  You can tell me all kinds of facts about the solar system, you like to study the globe you got for Christmas, and the other day, you quoted to me our neighbor's license plate number.  That shocked me, yet it didn't.  On the other hand, if something doesn't interest you - well, it just doesn't interest you.  Crafts, coloring, etc - yeah, not your thing.  And that's okay.  :)

You live very much in the moment.  This is kind of a blessing and a curse.  I love that you just enjoy what you are doing and get totally wrapped up in what you are working on....however, it is sometimes hard to move you onto the next thing and you don't always think ahead, because you are just thinking about right now.  But when you get soooo focused, I just think -- some day you are going to do or discover something amazing.  Whatever it is that you choose to do with your life... I am sure you will be very good at it.

I also love that - because you live in the moment - you don't worry about what others are thinking of you.  You still flap your arms sometimes.  I thought you would grow out of that a long time ago, but you still sometimes do it, mostly at home.  Sometimes someone will be over and ask you what you are doing, and you just simply say "I'm flapping my arms because I'm excited."  I need to be more like that.  You just enjoy what you are doing unapologetically and don't worry about looking silly.  Just please don't flap your arms at your wedding someday, K?  :)

You have always had a very sweet temperament, and that is still true of you.  You love to give hugs although I will say that you told me early in the school year to "stop kissing you at the bus stop".   :)  But you have always had a gift for encouragement and just naturally will compliment others on what they are doing well.  You also easily give things of your own to others and share easily. This makes my heart so proud.  I know that God will use those qualities to build others up and draw people to Him. 

 On a less "deep" note - lately you have become a better eater.  I sure hope this continues.  You have spent a good part of the past year being picky and refusing to eat much of what I serve for dinner.  Lately we just insist that before you leave the table you at least try bites of what is on your plate.  It seems to have worked because over the past few weeks, you have become increasingly adventurous and willing to try more and more foods.  Wow, this has made dinner time so much more pleasant.  I hope you keep being "brave" and that in life you will be more and more willing to try new things as well.  Your natural tendency is (like mine) to stick with the familiar.  But it is a big world out there full of lots of great things and I hope you have the courage to experience all the good the world has to offer.  (And - I'm a mom so I feel compelled to say this - I hope you have the courage to stay away from all the bad as well!!  Because that is certainly out there too....)

 

Well, I love you very much Carter and I pray for you each day.  I can't wait to see what the next years of your life hold for you and I pray that I will be the kind of Mommy who brings out all the best in you and helps you overcome the difficulties you will face.

God bless you, my sweet boy.
Mommy

Oh, January....

I guess I shouldn't have made a resolution to blog more often in JANUARY.

Because a big-fat-nothing exciting happens in January.  I checked my camera and I have taken about 5 photos all month long.

I'm sorry.  My anniversary is in January!  That being said, note to any engaged girls out there:  Do not get married in January.  Your anniversary is always overshadowed by post-Christmas exhaustion and poverty!  And it is always cold and you want to dress up and wear heels to go out for a fancy dinner, but then you don't want to freeze to death.... ;) 

Anyhow, this year my parents sent us out to a restaurant they really liked (ie, PAID and babysat).  Don't laugh at me but I tried scallops for the first time.  See?  I AM learning to be more courageous.  :)  But I did get it WITH the filet so at least I had that on my plate in case I thought the scallops were ew.  But I actually loved them!  (patting myself on the back for stepping out of the box....)

Other than that....it has been COLD here.  (If you live here of course this is no news flash to you....)  The kids have been stuck inside for long periods of time which makes for a lot of wrestling and chasing and craziness in our 1700 square feet.  Yesterday out of desperation I stuck in a CD the kids liked and told them to dance.  Chloe, my party girl, threw on a princess dress (with about 6 dress changes along the way) and went to town.  I think she danced hard for about 30 minutes.  I was taping her and she was hamming it up....and it was so worth it because last night as I was reading her a story, she said and I quote: "I want to go to bed now."  She has NEVER told me she wants to go to bed.  Partying a little too hard, were we??

Speaking of the cold, I have a new unfavorite pastime called "trying-to-get-Carter-to-wear-a-winter-coat".  He claims he does not like his winter coat because "he wants a coat with 2 colors on it."  I refrained from giving him a speech about how some kids would be glad to just have ANY coat.  (But I sure wanted to.)  He has a fuzzy fall jacket that he has been able to get away with wearing for most of the winter, but now that the wind chill is in the single digits, I have put my foot down about the winter coat.  But wowie, wow, wow.  Who knew how big a deal this could be - how many tears he would shed over it....or how many times I would have to count to ten to keep from blowing my stack?  (Which, admittedly, I have done a few times unfortunately....)  The semi-compromise he and I have come to is that he can wear his lighter jacket to run errands (since we aren't outside for long) but he HAS to wear his winter coat to school, since it involves standing outside at the bus stop and waiting. After a week of struggling, I think we have overcome the hurdle.

Keep reading, it just gets more exciting!  Or not....

In other interesting Smith news, our couch is officially trashed and we are looking for a new one!  Yay for furniture shopping!  Well, last weekend we went to a furniture store to look at a few sofas....with the kids in tow.  I bet you can guess how well that went.  And we still don't have a new sofa.  But we're working on  it.  I even had a friend come over to give me decorating advice because I just feel stuck and she is the bomb at decorating and organizing.  So she says "Once you get your new couch, I'll come back and we'll just start moving stuff around."  I looked at her with my mouth agape.  She said - "What, does that scare you?"  And I said, "You are freaking me out here!"  We just started cracking up because she is someone who rearranges her furniture seasonally or daily, dependent on her mood, and I am someone who rearranges my furniture....never.  I find a way I think it works and I stick with it.  But I am going to be have COURAGE and just do it.  It's only moving it around, right?  We can always move it back if we want to....oh my.  I need help.

Next week is Carter's birthday, so I guess January isn't all bad.  He is very excited to be turning six!  Just writing that makes my head spin - SIX??  Already? 

We are going to celebrate by getting donuts & munchkins in the morning to share with his little friends at Bible study.  Then he has to go to school, which in kindergarten is still a fun thing to do. :) Then we are going to take him out for dinner and to go bowling, which he loves.  On the weekend we will celebrate with our local extended family.  No kid party this year.  I kind of didn't want to plan one, and he didn't ask for one, and he seemed very happy to have family coming over for a party.  So it's win-win. 

January can be kind of a blah month.  But in all seriousness, I have to add that I am so thankful that I have been able to spend a lot of time with friends this month.  I have a few friends that I usually meet up with on Mondays and we take our kids to Dunkin Donuts and to the library.  I have had the chance to spend time just hanging out at home with a friend of mine who has a 6 month old sweet little boy.  It is so fun to see him grow up and to enjoy a little one (yet not have to get up in the middle of the night to feed him....)  I have started exercising more regularly so I have been meeting a few people at the Y for a class and to just work out on the machines.  There is also Bible study on Wednesdays which I love.  I even had a long visit from an old lifelong friend that I haven't seen in a few years!  It has all served to help me keep my sanity in a month that can often be filled with lonely days stuck in the house.  I am so grateful for the community of people God has placed in my life! 

And hopefully I will have a more interesting post next time....haha!

Words

Words.  They have power.

For example, has anyone else noticed the whole "one word" New Year's resolution thing?

Basically, the idea is that you pick one word that you want to focus on in the next year.  I really hate to jump on bandwagons but I kind of like the idea.  It's not a big list of lots of things that I will forget about in 3 weeks.  It's just a word to think about, a word to strive toward over the next year.  A word to inspire.

I gave this some thought and prayed about it, and the word that kept coming to mind was "courage."  I want to be more courageous.  I can appear on the outside to have it together - but on the inside I am often fearful, worried about what other people think, and sometimes I hold back from trying new things.  I want to work on stepping out of my comfort zone and being willing to do what God is asking me to do, even if it feels uncomfortable.

So (hang with me here, this does relate to words...) back in the fall, I began helping lead a women's Bible study at our church.  I am kind of getting to a point with the kids where I feel like I can actually take on outside responsibilities and I was excited to take on something new.

But honestly, after a couple months I was doing what I often do - questioning myself. I wonder - is leading a group really my gift?  I worry about whether I am tripping over my words.  I get concerned about what people are thinking about my ability to lead.  I compare myself to other leaders and find myself coming up short.  Then that negative voice in my head starts with the negative words.  Words that discourage and tear down.

Really, what I should be doing is praying about it if I have concerns - isn't God our source of wisdom and discernment?  (Yes, duh, Amy.)  So yesterday before Bible study I prayed that God would use me through this study and that I would have a right attitude about it all.  And I was remembering that I needed to have courage to do what God has called me to (because I do feel that He has placed me in this role), even if I'm not always "comfortable" leading.  I just need to do it and trust God to help me where I am lacking.

So today I went to our meeting, and everything went as usual.   But as we were leaving one of the women in my group stopped me and said "I've been meaning to tell you....you do a great job leading the group."  She went on to say some other encouraging things.  I thanked her and told her how much that really meant to me.  She has no idea what kind of mental wranglings I have been doing over the past months.  But her words were an answer to prayer.  Her words encouraged me and breathed fresh life into my soul.

This reminded me anew - we need to take care with our words.  What words we allow to define us, and what words we cast off.  Because, perhaps you are like me and live with a critic in your head.   But also we need to be careful about what words we speak to others - are they words of encouragement?  are they honest words?  will they help someone to grow or will they make someone wither?

God, please give me the courage this year to step out into whatever You call me to do.  Help me to be obedient.  And help my words to encourage, uplift and inspire. 

Hurricane Sandy Survival

You would think this post would be about how we managed to stay alive and well despite the whipping winds and monsoon-like rain that submerged the east coast over the past few days.  But no. 

I certainly don't want to downplay the importance of this storm and how devastating it has been to some people.  Just looking at photos of one of our favorite vacation spots, Ocean City, made me so sad.  And I have been praying for everyone who has been affected by the storm.

Well, for us the storm ended up being not so bad after all.  I had gathered up our flashlights and candles and non-perishable food.  I had filled up water pitchers (although Chad told me that we didn't really need to since we are on borough water and they have generators and back-up systems....)  But fortunately we did not even lose power!  Wow, was I thankful for that.  We lost power last winter for about a day and it was rough. 

So our "survival" quickly turned from getting through the storm....to keeping 3 kids occupied and happy!  We ended up having a fun time!

First, we made Halloween cookies.

 We also played games, watched TV, ate popcorn (& ahem, cookies...), and tried to keep up with the storm coverage.

Chad spent lots of time watching the barometric pressure drop, taking photos of our barometer, and posting the results on facebook.  Frustrated meteorologist! :)

Today my pumpkins carved their pumpkins.

Well, they designed, I carved. :)

  I think we are all ready for Halloween now!

  I know Chloe is!!

Bring on the parties and trick or treating!

Hurricane Conversations

Tonight we were driving home from my parents' house and we had this winner conversation as it drizzled outside:

Audrey:  Mom, is it "hurricane-ing" yet?

Me:  Well, Audrey, the edge of the storm is just reaching us so we are just getting a little rain now.  But tomorrow we should  have a lot more heavy rain and wind.

Chloe:  I'm scared of the huwicane.

Me:  You don't need to be scared.  We'll be home together and safe. 

Carter:  What?  There's a hurricane???  Where?

Everyone else in the car:  UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Audrey:  Carter!  Duh!!

Carter:  What? 

I am laughing out loud just thinking about this.  It is so us.  Audrey coining new words.  Chloe saying she's scared.  Carter clueless about what's going on.....

The agony of defeat

No, this blog post has nothing to do with sports despite the title I've given this post.

It is more reflective of my feelings at the moment.

I have not blogged in awhile.  Part of that is because we have been very busy making memories throughout this summer....memories with family, enjoying friends, celebrating birthdays, holidays, etc.  It has been very fun and active and busy and herein lies the problem:

I am worn out.  Frustrated.  Unfortunately, embarrassingly, -but honestly - not enjoying some of the memory making.  Weary and  feeling guilty and angry and defeated all at once.

I want to be clear here - I am so, so thankful for the time and opportunity to be home with my kids.  To celebrate special occasions with family.  To have my in-laws here at our home for a visit. They are blessed times, and I thank God for them. 

But I have also found myself dissolving in tears at many moments throughout the last few weeks, and I am not a crier.  Looking at my husband with wide, frightened eyes and saying the words "I. am. losing. it...."  And truly, feeling like I am going to lose it.  Like I want to get in the car by myself and drive far, far away for awhile.

I know what part of the problem is.  I have - AGAIN - been having sleep issues with Chloe that I am at a loss as to how to solve.  Third time mom...and I cannot solve this.  There have been strings of days where I am up every hour or two throughout the night with her.  And so I wake in the morning wondering how I am going to make it through the day.  And yes, I have prayed about it, and yes, by God's grace somehow I do make it through the day.  But do I make it through the day "well"?  Am I the kind of mother I want to be that day?  No.  I don't have the energy to play.  I hide out in my room during Chloe's nap and let the other two kids watch hours of TV.  I throw together lame, half-processed dinners.  I am not fun to be around.  And this is what leaves me feeling so defeated.  I don't want to live in survival mode.  I want to thrive!  I want to have something to give.  And some days - I just don't.  I. just. don't. :(  It makes me sad just thinking that thought.

I also feel defeated because the beginning of the summer was truly wonderful.  We had so much fun as a family.  Everyone was in a positive frame of mind.  And then slowly it changed.  My now three year old is becoming - well, a three year old - with all the "fun" behavior issues that age seems to entail.  She is really fun and sweet and cute - and then she is NOT.  Then there is hitting and screaming and meanness and blatant disobedience.  There are behavior issues I am having with her that I have never had with Audrey or Carter (well, at least not at this level of intensity!)  And I am so tired that it is really hard for me to be consistent.  And then I am disciplining in anger, and that never seems to be very productive.

Having all 3 kids home also tries my patience and my need for quiet and aloneness.  You can ask my mom, I have always been someone who needs my alone time.  And now even "quiet time" around here is punctuated by requests for drinks, snacks, "can I get out this toy?" {yes}, "can I watch TV?"{for the umpteenth time, no}.  Perhaps I need to have more clear boundaries in different situations.  I am thinking about how to change that.  I am also thinking about how I can enforce more quiet in the day for all of us.

Many people are able to send their kids to summer camp for a "break".  I am not able to do that financially.  This didn't really bother me....but then I started thinking, feeling guilty that my kids are "deprived" of the opportunity to go.  Even though not a one of them asks to go to camp, or even wants to!  I start questioning myself as a mother.  Am I giving them all the opportunities they should have?  When I take a big step back, I know that my kids are fine, and that they live fun and well-rounded lives.  I have realized that I am making the mistake of listening to the wrong voice in my head, the one that is condemning, the one that makes comparisons that need not be made.  I need to tune that out and focus on what GOD has to say to me about my children and what they need.  I was really doing well with listening to God about how to disciple my kids towards the beginning of the summer, but now?  Not so much.  I am working on that too. 

I have hesitated to blog because I don't want my blog to be a place of complaining and whining....but I guess I feel like sometimes we need to be honest and write about the reality of life as a parent.  It is not all hugs and sweetness and dandelion bouquets, although there are many of those moments as well.  But it is also hard work that God has called us to that sometimes stretches us to our limits.  The other day I read in Jesus Calling a little snippet that reminded me that all we need to do is whisper His name, "Jesus," and He is right there with us.  I have been whispering His name a lot lately.  Truly needing to know that He is with me in the difficult moments.  And that I can do all things through Him, who strengthens me.

I also know that I have been so busy with traveling and company and birthdays (we have 2 of those in July in our house, plus a variety of extended family with June/July birthdays as well).  Consequently, I have not had the time with God that I want to have.  Early in the summer I was getting up early, before the kids, and going out on our deck with coffee and my Bible.  It was such a refreshing way to start my day.  So peaceful.  But that has gone by the wayside as I have tried to get every last moment of sleep that I can.  (And the kids started getting up earlier and earlier as the summer went on....ugh.  I'm just not ready to get up at 6am to "beat" them at getting up!)  But I need to step away from facebook and the TV and use my down time seeking out God's wisdom for me and our family.  Because, if you haven't picked up on this yet, I desperately need Him. :)

So that is what has been going on with me.  I promise that my next post will not be such a downer (not to mention that I have about 50 bazillion pictures of all the summer time birthdays and celebrations and such that I should post....)  But I feel like we all as parents need to know that we are not alone in our struggles.  So I will share about them here....for better or worse.  Just keeping it real, folks. :)

O Happy Day

Today was a happy day.

One of those days I just sit back at the end of the day and smile thinking about. 


Nothing out of the ordinary happened, really.  It was just a series of wonderful moments and I just have to thank God for blessing me with a day like today.  Because as any parent will tell you - they aren't all like this. (!)

This morning I went to my Bible study as I normally do on Wednesday mornings.  I almost always leave feeling refreshed, and grateful for the women who encourage me there.  Today was no exception.

I had invited a few friends & their kids over afterwards for lunch.  The weather was beautiful and we ate on the deck and babies crawled and "bigger" kids ran around the yard and house - enjoying each other's company, as did the moms.  I am so thankful for great friends. 

After they left, Chloe took a nap.  Carter asked me to help him finish building something with his K'nex that he and Chad had started earlier.  (I should note that he is SOOOO into building lately that I usually say no because it often turns into an hour long project.)  This time for some reason I said yes, I would help him. We sat on the floor in his room and worked together on completing it.  He was so completely thrilled when it was done.  He kept exclaiming things like "Mommy, I'm so proud of you that you finished my K'nex boat!" and "Mommy, I love you when you play k'nex with me!"  Guess I will be playing a lot of K'nex this summer seeing as they are his love language and all.... :)  

I told him I was going out to the deck to check email and enjoy the weather.  He followed me out and asked to sit on my lap, and we had milk and cookies and just giggled about stuff.  Then we played Memory together before we had to head out to the bus stop to pick up Audrey.  It was -- can I say that an afternoon with my 5 year old son was lovely?  Well, it was.  It was lovely.

At the bus stop, Chloe's friend came driving up in her Jeep.  (Yes, a 3 year old driving a Princess Jeep....)  They drove home together and played outside until dinner time....tooling around our street in the jeep, dancing in princess dresses, hanging out of trees like monkeys. 

It is so fun to watch Chloe develop friendships.  Chloe is lately at an age where she really likes to instigate trouble with her siblings, but fortunately (?) she saves that for home and when she is with her friends, she is mostly a very kind and sweet friend...happy to share, quick to invite, willing to give. 

We ate our dinner out on the deck and while Carter & Chloe are quick to leave the table (more like we are lucky if they sit still for 5 minutes), Audrey is at an age where she is happy to sit and talk.  I love that.  This school year I have seen Audrey mature in a number of significant ways.  For one, she is much less argumentative than she has been in previous years.  She has also been quick to obey, and quick to help out around the home.  If I ask her to do something, it is rarely with much complaint.  I also feel like we can discuss "life" more.  Sometimes she asks me to come up in her bed at bedtime and we have some great conversations then.  I wish these conversations were not taking place at 9pm, but....well, I'll take it.  I keep thinking - the day is coming when she may not be as willing to talk or spend time with me - so I'd better take advantage now.

(Audrey at field day on Monday)

If I open my eyes - I mean really open them and pay attention - I think probably many of my days are filled with these kinds of moments.  But we need to open our eyes and pay attention. 

I am glad I was paying attention today.

Bittersweet moments

Last night I spent the evening at Target with a friend who is about to have her first baby.  We shopped for bottles, pacifiers, hooded towels, crib sheets, boppy covers, nursing tops, comfy clothes for after the baby comes, a stroller, a pack and play, etc.  We also discussed the merits of certain pacifiers and why bath robes for babies - while completely cute - are totally pointless (in my humble opinion....)  It was a lot of fun.

Then at some point in our shopping it dawned on me that I no longer have any need to shop in this section of Target other than for gift-buying.  Part of me is very happy to be done with diapers and nursing and carrying babies in those heavy car seat carriers.  Then another part of me can't believe that my baby days are over.  Didn't I just take that first pregnancy test a couple years ago?

 Early days of motherhood....

 Life seemed so simple then...

 And we look so young.  {sigh}

It was a little bittersweet, can ya tell??

Luckily I'll have Lyn's baby to cuddle and hold.  And trust me, I owe that girl some BIG TIME babysitting hours.... :)  I am so excited for her....can't wait to meet her little boy and love on him!

Reflections on Broad Street

 My "Medal" (blurry, but there it is!)

On Sunday morning I accomplished something that just one year ago I would have never dreamed I could do.  Scratch that.  Six months ago, I would have never dreamed I could do.  In fact, Sunday morning at 8:30 am, I was still not sure I would be able to do this....

I ran the Broad Street 10-Mile Run with 40,000 other people through the streets of Philadelphia!  Without stopping!

What a rush!  What an amazing experience!  What a complete shock! :)

Yes, I have been training since January.  Yes, I have run approximately 3x per week.  Yes, I have been working very hard.  But up til this race, the most I have ever run at once?  Six miles.

I have to give major props to my college roommate and "running coach" Rebecca.  After deciding to run together, she kept on my butt kept me accountable to my running schedule and texted me many, many messages of encouragement.  She is the one who kept telling me that I could do this.  I was not so sure.  I can't imagine having a better running partner that day.  She kept pace with me, she checked in with how I was feeling, she gave me those gummy sugar thingies that runners use for energy boosts, and she made me run out the last few hundred feet full speed.  (Let me tell you - there is not much better than PASSING PEOPLE on the way to the finish line!)

I was surprised by how emotional I felt at different points throughout the race.  I thought I would be excited....but didn't know I would also develop a big ol' lump in my throat and find tears springing to my eyes.

The first time was as I passed the 5 mile mark and realized that I still felt good.  We could see City Hall looming ahead, and I was just enjoying seeing all the different neighborhoods, people, architecture as I ran along.  One of the things I really enjoy about cities is how they are just a patchwork quilt of all of God's people.  It really is amazing.

My second teary moment occurred around mile 7-8.  I had already exceeded my own personal best, and I was still feeling strong.  It was around that point that I realized I could finish this race and run the whole way.  That alone was exciting, but at that point, I felt overwhelmed by the community? solidarity? oneness? (not sure what term to use) with all the other runners. Let's just say that I was not at the front of the pack with all the die hard runners, and the people around me seemed very similar to me - people who just wanted to cross that finish line!  Yet along the race path there were people holding signs that said things like "Don't give up" and "You can do it" and even "Free high-fives here"!   I know that these signs were not meant for me personally, but it kind of felt like they were anyhow.  It was just what I needed to keep going.

Finally, as we hit the last mile, there were a lot more spectators along the sides of the road.  At one point, they were all cheering and yelling for the runners, and the verse Hebrews 12:1 came to mind.  It says:  "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  It was such a tangible reminder to me that in running - AND in life - we are never alone...and we should never give up.  The cheering may not have meant much to some of the runners, but it was a powerful moment for me. 


So where do I go from here?  A few people have asked me if I will do it again.  And my answer is:  I don't know (and probably not!)  It was an amazing experience, and I am so, so glad I did it.  I can cross it off the bucket list.  And I now have this wonderful memory to carry with me in my heart.


BUT, it was a lot of training and work.  Like, A LOT. At times it felt hard to juggle the need to "train" with the reality of my life, which includes small children who can't be left alone while I go out to run.  And there is the pressure of running longer and longer distances, which stressed me out sometimes.  And honestly, I think I am more of a short distance running kind of gal.  A 5K sounds great right about now!  

I do want to continue running, however.  I just want to incorporate other forms of exercise into my life...at this point I feel like I have muscular legs - but puny arms and a poochy tummy!  But I hope running will always be a part of my life.

Finally, I want to thank each of you who encouraged me in this process.  It means more to me than you will ever know!  Thanks for sharing this journey with me.

Weekend

I know my birthday was the beginning of this month.....but one last present was waiting. 

On Friday afternoon, we (meaning Chad & I, not the kids) took off for a little jaunt to Hershey, PA.

And that evening we went to this concert:

 

Christian music fans.... can you tell who we went to see?

How about now?

(It says "Let my lifesong sing to you")

It was Casting Crowns.

It was an amazing concert!   Wow.

I love when you leave a concert and you feel like you might have just tasted a little bit of what heaven will be like...

 

 Thank you Chad for the awesome birthday present!

(It was also such a gift to just be able to be together without kids.  No offense, kids.  We love you with all our hearts, but it sure is nice to go out to eat without cutting anyone's food and without having to remind anybody that poopy talk is not appropriate table conversation....It was also nice to sleep in, sit on a couch and read a book, eat meals out, and shop without navigating a stroller!)

A big ol' thank you to our friend Jacki  who stayed with our kids overnight.

Anyone who knows her knows that she is a saint!  And my kids had so much fun with her!

Anyhow, we also stayed at an amazing place.

This was the view:

Horses grazing in the pasture

Little ponds and gardens scattered around the property...

It was just so, so lovely.  

And I am not someone to use the word "lovely" in everyday conversation, ha! :)

(Downton Abbey must be affecting my speech patterns....)

I also started reading Hunger Games in the car. 

I know, I know.  I am the last person alive to read it.

And now I know what all the hoopla is.  It is SO. GOOD!

This is one of those rare times that Chad and I both are interested in the same movie....so I want to finish reading it so that we can go see the movie together in the theater!

Yesterday (Sunday) was filled with church, our church's egg hunt (at which I did not take a single picture.  I was busy doing face painting... so fun!)  Then straight to a birthday party with 2 out of 3 kids.  A very full but fun day.

So back to reality this week.

Not only is Chad out of town all week, but one of the kids is on Spring Break, and the other starts hers on Thursday.  So my hands will be full.  Thankfully I had a little break already.

But there is also something fun about just me and the kids.  Like I don't feel obligated to make dinner!  Tonight was hot dogs and chicken nuggets! :)

(Don't worry they also had strawberries and carrot sticks to make up for that processed junk....)

I am still running but I did not get my run in this weekend.  T-minus one month til the big race!

AAAAGHHHH!

(Shhh, don't tell my running buddy Rebecca that I skipped out on my run!  And Rebecca, if you're reading this?  Well, just pretend you didn't see it!)

How was YOUR weekend?

One moment in time

The other day  I took Carter & Chloe to the Y.  Carter had a swimming lesson and Chloe was, as usual, along for the ride.  I got Carter settled in with his swim teacher and then Chloe said she had to use the bathroom.  So, of course, even though we had just COME from the bathroom area, back to the locker room we went.

Then it happened.  Right as I approached the door to leave the pool area.  It was like time stood still for a moment and time flashed forward in my mind.  I got this overwhelming feeling that time was short and that in a blink of an eye, my season of taking kids to swim classes and preschool and all that other kiddie stuff that I do -- would be over.  It was such a strange, overwhelming sensation that it is hard to describe. Tears actually very quickly sprung to my eyes and I am not someone who tears up or cries easily or often.  Has this ever happened to anyone else out there?  Where you just get a very overwhelming feeling out of nowhere?  This doesn't happen to me often, but when it does happen, I just kind of take it as a little revelation from God that I need to take note of ... perhaps that I need to remember to enjoy and savor these special moments. 

But now you have to read the end to this story.

So....I'm in the midst of my little reverie with all these thoughts and feelings flooding through me. My eyes are blurry with tears.  I take Chloe's hand and open the locker room door.....and right there in the walkway stands a middle-aged lady....

BUCK. NAKED.  My jaw almost hit the floor as she just stood there rummaging through her bag, totally unembarrassed in her state of undress.  She didn't even look up as we approached her!

Wow.  Did that snap me out of my little "moment"....

Just the fact that these 2 separate episode happened in tandem makes me laugh out loud just thinking about it!

(PS - Bet this blog post ended in a way you didn't expect!)

My secret weapon: Smoothies

Smoothies are my latest favorite thing.  Full of healthy stuff, refreshing after a run, etc, etc....

I am guzzling them down almost daily ... and so are Carter and Chloe.  The best part is I am getting them to drink down - wait for it - SPINACH! Yup, spinach in a smoothie, folks.

The nice thing about smoothies is that you can just add whatever you have on hand.  Here is my "go-to" recipe:

 SPINACH, frozen fruit, a banana, yogurt, juice/almond milk, and ground flaxseeds

First I puree the spinach with some liquid - because really - does anyone want green floaties in their smoothie? This way you can be sure the spinach is totally liquified.  (Plus then the kids won't be on to your tricks!) 

You can use juice, milk, almond/soy/rice milk, even just water.  Whatever floats your boat.  

And as you can see, you do not need the latest, greatest blender or "smoothie maker" they sell to make a good smoothie!  This blender was Chad's from before we got married -11 years ago-and it still kicks butt when it comes to blending....so in our kitchen it stays.

 You can then add the rest of the ingredients....finish with a liquid....press puree... and presto -  a smoothie!  I love that you can just add whatever you have on hand.  I think the key is to have something frozen, a "thickener" like yogurt or banana, and a liquid.  If it's too thick, just add more liquid. 

Anyhow, I just have to add a few comments here about healthy stuff in general. 

I am really glad I decided to train for this race in May.  Not because I particularly enjoy running, although I am enjoying it more and more. But I have learned some things that I would not have learned otherwise:

1.  Having an exercise challenge can actually make exercise almost fun.  I will admit - I rarely WANT to go to the Y to exercise....and almost every time I have scheduled to go, I WANT to wimp out.  I think I'm too tired, or that I should do something else "important".....but EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I go, I leave feeling good.  And proud of myself.  And surprising myself at how I've improved even!  It also helps that they have child care there that costs me $1 per hour. :)  A little time to myself is always a plus.  But I have learned that I can't leave it to chance, and I can't make it optional.  I put it on the calendar, and I make myself go.  It's like a little appointment.

2.  Since I have been exercising more regularly, I am eating better.  Because of course- who wants to come home after a good workout and then fill yourself with donuts?   I have ended up eating in a more deliberate and healthful way.  And THIS is what REALLY surprised me:  I actually don't crave junk food very much lately.  Like - it doesn't even look very good at all.  

True confession:  I have always been a bit of a junk food junkie.  I have been able to eat bad-for-you foods for most of my life without having it affect my weight or general well-being, but I think those days are numbered.  The scale has slowly been creeping up after each baby's arrival, and while I am not "overweight" - I know that I have not been eating WELL.  So I don't deprive myself of anything I love, I just eat a little bit of it.  And then I try to make my meals full of more fruits and vegetables and less of what is unhealthy.  I don't count calories or points or anything.  I can't do all that, it would drive me insane.  I just try to put more "good stuff" in.... and leave more "bad stuff" out.

My goal in doing all this?  Besides the obvious - my general health - I hope to stay actively involved in my kids' lives... and someday I want to be fully involved with my grandchildren if God gives them to me.  I am someone who will not be a "young" grandma (at least I better not be too young!) because I had my children in my 30's.  In fact, I was 37 when Chloe was born so even if she has her first baby as early as 25 I will be 62 already.  If I can help it, I don't want to be the grandma who sits in the wheelchair and watches on the sidelines....I want to be on the floor playing with them and going on trips with them and chasing them around the yard!

So with God's help I am trying to maintain a more healthy lifestyle.  It is hard for me to write this on a blog because now it is in black and white and I am accountable to whomever reads this!  But I hope it will not just be a temporary thing but a true lifestyle change. 

Now if I could just get rid of these shin splints.... ;)

This week at my house

Well, it sure has been busy.

Last weekend, Chad and my brother, Andy, re-plumbed (is that a word?) our bathroom.

Thank heavens it no longer looks like this!  New floor is in, new vanity/sink is in, toilet is back where it belongs...there is still lots to do but at least it is functional.

Later that day we celebrated my Mom's birthday.  I won't say which one although the cake may give it away. ;)

Speaking of birthdays, yours truly has a VIB (Very Important Birthday) coming up on Sunday.  I am turning FORTY.   I thought it might bother me, but nope.  If it involves cake and presents, I am all in.  Even if it means I have to get older.  Actually, (tangent alert...) I feel really good right now.  My 30's were great.  I gave birth to 3 beautiful children, I moved back to the area where I grew up, I have friends, family, a church family that I adore....can't complain AT. ALL.  Lately I have been running regularly.... which has caused me to start eating healthier... which has improved my mood and energy level too!  Plus, today when Carter reminded me that soon I will be forty, I asked him "So Carter, do you think Mommy is old?" And he said "No....you are young!"  I love that boy. :)

I am going to need all that energy later this year....this week we made some final plans to take a trip to Disney in the fall with Chad's parents. I am so, so excited!  We have been there once with Audrey when she was 2, but not with all the kids.  Chloe's eyes are going to pop right out of her little head when she sees Cinderella's castle!!!  I can't wait!  We have not told the kids yet, but Chad and I have been talking "in code" with each other about it .... apparently Audrey has been doing a little eavesdropping.  Last night I found her scribbling furiously into her notebook and this is what she had written (yes, I sneaked a peek while she was sleeping!):

(Click on the photo to see it larger)

Perhaps she has been reading too many Cam Jensen mystery books lately?  Chad & I could not stop laughing when we read this.  It is SO Audrey.

Meanwhile, I decided that I want to finish some lingering "unfinished" projects around here.  It all started when I committed to crocheting some hats to send to a woman who puts together gift boxes for children who are fighting cancer.  So I pulled out my yarn collection.  Then I found a half-finished hat that I started for my nephew...who was born last July.  So I decided that before starting any more hats, I should finish the one I already started. (Guess the hat will be going to another baby boy...)  Of course then I had to find the original pattern and figure out where I was....then I stayed up WAAAAY too late finishing it up.  Because once I get involved in it, I have a hard time putting it down.  I never know when I might get back to it!  (And now you get a little glimpse into how my scattered mind works.  Only add in interruptions every few minutes by someone needing a drink of milk or help with a puzzle or needing to tell me something RIGHT NOW.....)  Anyhow, I think it turned out cute:

It's a little elf hat...what do you think?  I think it is perfect for those photos of little sleeping newborns all curled up wearing only a diaper and a cute hat! 

Chloe is still loving puzzles.  She figured this one out all by herself today.

25 piece puzzle at 2 1/2?  I think she's a smart little cookie!

Chloe also had a play date with her friend Ella.  I took a picture of them.

 (Chloe really was wearing clothes.  Her princess dress is just so big that it falls off her shoulders!)

This picture was taken after about 10 of THIS kind of picture:

 STOP MAKING CROSS EYES!!

REALLY!  I MEAN IT!

(She LOVES to make this face...I think I need to stop laughing every time she does it!) 

My beautiful daughter. :)

Funniest thing I've heard this week so far...

Yesterday was a beautiful spring-like day with highs in the low 60's.  Chad was home from work so I decided to go for an outdoor run. 

When I rounded the corner onto our street at the end of my run, all the kids were outside playing.  And this is when it got funny for me.

My almost 5 year old neighbor, Rebecca - the one I drive home from preschool four days a week and whom I have babysat, played with, and known since birth - leaned over toward my Audrey and said with complete seriousness:  "Audrey.... is that your Mom?" 

Guess she doesn't recognize me when I am in a baseball hat and running.  That just shows you how much "working out" she has seen me doing over the past almost 7 years I have lived here.  :)

Well, Rebecca....you are going to see this Mama running around the neighborhood a lot more often over the next few months!!!  :)

And looky here.  2 posts in 2 days.  A record!

Catching up

This is only my 3rd post of 2012.  I don't know what it is, but I am having blogger's block.  I feel like at this point in the "life" of my blog I just keep saying the same things over and over (another birthday!  another holiday! etc....) and I feel like I want to say something original....

In any case, there has been a lot of just livin' life going on here.  So here is an update on us.  For the 3 people who still read this blog. ;)

I'll start with me.  The big news with me is that since January I have taken up running again.  So I have been running about 2-3x a week for the past 6 weeks.  I am up to the point where I can often run 3 miles at a time!  I was thinking about having some kind of goal - when my friend Kathy invited me to run the Broad Street Run in Philly with her on May 6.  I kind of toyed with the idea, then jokingly invited my former college roommate (and current runner) Rebecca to come up from Atlanta and run the race too.  The next thing I knew she had booked a flight....so I guess I was in!  The hitch is:  this is a TEN MILE RUN.  TEN MILES, PEOPLE!  People keep saying to me "But you can already run 3!"  Yes, I can run 3.  But there is a big difference between 3 & 10....  Anyhow I am training.  This is a big year for me (and my other aforementioned friends).... we all turn 40 this year.  So if I can finish this race?  Well that's not too shabby for an old lady.  (Now if running would just get rid of this baby belly I would be a happy woman indeed!)

Chad and I got away for a night last weekend, thanks to my parents watching our kids.  We had a great time together, and it is always so nice to just get away.   But we had to laugh.  So many things went "wrong" with our time away.  Our hotel package was totally misrepresented.  Then we went to the Movie Tavern and they had to restart the movie 2 times because there was no sound.  Then our food order was lost (I guess?) and our food did not arrive until almost the end of the movie... then we came home to one kid with a fever.  But we did have a leisurely walk around both Lowe's AND Home Depot and could pick out what we wanted for our new bathroom...

Yes, we are remodeling our main bathroom. {Sigh} I always thought I would be someone who enjoyed choosing decor and such but I really find it all so overwhelming.  Maybe it would be easier  if I had no budget...and a designer.  But I don't think that will ever be the case. :)  So it is always figuring out how to make it look the best for a limited amount of money.  I don't say that as a complaint, I think it is good to learn how to live within your means and I don't have extravagant taste.  But I find all the choices so overwhelming sometimes, and for an indecisive person like myself, it can be painful at times!  (for me and for Chad!)

The kids are doing great.  We had conferences with Audrey's and Carter's teachers a few weeks ago with all great reports.  And the other day I registered Carter for KINDERGARTEN!  Is this really happening?  (And Chloe is all registered for preschool next year too....)

Speaking of Chloe....she has discovered a few new talents.  I added a few pictures to demonstrate:

 

 She is SUPER into puzzles these days.  She put all 4 of these 12 piece puzzles together by herself.

I seriously think she is better at puzzles than Carter.

(See him studying her handiwork in the background? haha)

She has also put together a number of semi-complicated wooden puzzles that we have.

Got another bright one on our hands. :)

And then there is this:

I posted this on fb earlier, but Chloe has the "special" ability to cross only one eye.

It totally cracks me up, because she will be doing something and then out of nowhere she'll just look at me with a big grin on her face and cross one eye.  I think she just might have a sense of humor. :)

Well, that's enough about us for now.  Hopefully it won't be April when I next post!

The Mother of all Christmas Posts

Fasten your seat belts ... I think this is gonna be a long one. :)

Chad has started a tradition over the past couple years of taking the kids on a Christmas Eve morning hike.  I love this because it's something special that they can look forward to ... and it affords me a little quiet time to get last minute cooking/wrapping/etc. done.  This is the first year that Chloe participated!

 Throwing rocks into water is an integral part of hiking according to the kids.

 I love how Chloe can barely see out of her hat. :)

Chad said that at one point they were all singing Christmas carols as they hiked along.

Wish I could've heard that.

 

 That evening we went to church and the kids sang in the service.  

Chloe did so with her finger up her nose the entire time.

Luckily when you're 2 you can get away with that and it is still "cute":)

 After church we tried to get a nice family photo.

For some reason Chloe was intent on doing this weird flippy move.

What can you do?  Once again - she IS two!

Looks like Santa came!

See?  He DID come. :)

 Christmas morning in the Christmas jammies

 Opening stockings.

When Carter saw this picture, he said (and I quote):  "Look at me!  I look so cute!"

I happen to agree.

 Audrey was VERY happy with what "Santa" brought!

 So was Carter!

(So was Chloe - she got a Bitty Baby - but I didn't get a picture of her with it on Christmas morning.)

 As you can tell, she was also happy with this princess dress.

Around lunchtime we headed over to my parents' house to exchange gifts and have dinner together.

 Chloe really got into opening gifts.  She decided Uncle Andy needed a little help. :)

 It would not be Christmas if Chad did not receive a humongous bag of Jelly Bellies.

 Carter discovered the game "Sorry" on vacation this summer and was WAY excited to get this.  

He kept saying "I'm so lucky!!"

 My Dad made two special gifts this Christmas.  The first is this bed (with trundle!) for Audrey's American Girls.  My Mom made all the bedding for it too.

 He also made this adorable crib for Chloe's bitty baby.  Again my  mom made the bumper and crocheted some little blankets for her baby.  Chloe got right to work putting her baby to bed. :)

Everyone got new PJ's for Christmas.  They put them on for the ride home later that night.

The day after Christmas we got busy packing and cleaning up for our trip to NY.  To keep the kids occupied we finally broke out the gingerbread house.  Somehow we kind of overlooked doing it before Christmas and they had a lot of fun decorating it with Daddy.

The next day we headed up to Buffalo to celebrate Christmas with Chad's family ... the kids were so excited!

 This is the kid table...minus one kid who is not old enough to sit up yet. :)

Yes, ladies & gentleman, we had 17 people under one roof.

My sister in law and brother in law are saints for hosting us year after year!

 Grandpa with the "big" girls.

 Grandpa & Uncle Josh with all the kids piled on the couch.

 Meet Nate.  He is my newest nephew!  Isn't he a cutie?  He just smiled and smiled for me while I took his picture.

 One of the days we headed to the Museum of Play in Rochester.  Audrey & Carolyn rode together in our van with their lookalike dolls.

 One of my favorite exhibits there was the grocery store.  Every kid got a cart, picked out 5 items, and then took them to checkout.  They got to scan them and print out their receipt.  Then they had to "restock" their items.  They loved it!

 Audrey was working the bakery and cheese section for awhile.

 The whole gang on Sesame Street!

 Another day we took the big kids bowling.  Carter was in heaven - he loves bowling.

 Before we left, we had a mini birthday party for Carter (whose birthday is in January).  He got to open his presents from Grandma & Grandpa and his cousins.

Shortly after this, we had to go. :(

 On our way home.

We always stop at this rest area ... it is a big lodge with scenic overlooks.

Since 7 hours in the car was not a full enough day for us (ha) - after a brief stop at home to drop off luggage - we headed straight to Chuck E. Cheese to do our annual New Years Eve celebration with our neighbors.  The kids were very happy to see all their friends. 

Chloe wanted to climb in the tubes but her little legs could not make it up this beginning part.

Guess who got to climb in and help out?

I asked my neighbor Karen to watch my camera and she decided to take a few pictures of me climbing in here. ;P

It was all worth it to see her happily sliding down the tubes with her big sister! ;)

It has been such a busy, fun, blessed, wonderful Christmas season.

As usual, I am a little sad to see it go. :(

I wonder what 2012 will hold though!