Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Living and learning

I haven't been posting as much lately ... basically because all I have to say these days is this: I AM SO TIRED!

And I sure am tired of hearing myself complain about being tired.

Thus the silence.

I don't know that there is any "solution" to Chloe's nighttime wake-ups. I don't think I am being overly indulgent or overly harsh in my approach. I just think that she needs to get older and become increasingly mature and "sleep-trained" and eventually she will sleep through the night regularly. Honestly, my other two took awhile to sleep through the night too. I think it's just wearing me down because I am also taking care of 2 other kids who have legitimate needs for love and attention too! :)

I will say this. God is certainly teaching me to depend on Him for my energy. And He continues to provide. So many people have helped me out in various little ways, and I thank God for them.

While I do struggle some days and it can be difficult to be at home with small children, the truth is - it could be so much harder. And God has really put things in perspective for me over the past month. There is a woman at my church who I have known since I was a grade-schooler. I went to Sunday School and youth group with her daughters. And she recently had a recurrence of cancer and they basically have told her that the cancer she has now is incurable. It is so sad, even though I know she will be at peace with God in heaven. I just feel badly for her having to say good-bye to her children and grandchildren. It doesn't seem fair.

Also, I recently found out that my Aunt Linda is dying of cancer as well. I saw her 6 weeks ago at my Grandpa's 100th birthday celebration and she seemed totally fine. We spent time at her house and she had thoughtfully pulled out toys for my kids to play with, held and bounced a crying Chloe, and sent the kids off with little treats she had bought them for the plane ride home. And now literally 6 weeks later - she is in a hospital bed in her living room, unable to walk, with her hair falling out, and very little time left. I really am in a kind of shock about it.

I pray for her and my uncle, and for our friend at church, as often as I think of it. It's the least I can do. And as I said to my mom the other day, it is hard to be a whiner about my lack of sleep when I think of these situations.

It's so easy to focus on the negative in our lives. I do it far too often. But God is teaching me to find the joy in each day and I am slowly learning. Because who knows how many more days we may have?


melissa said...

and thats the perfect attitude to have!

nateandkatesmom said...

I will be praying for your Aunt and your friend and their families! May they all have peace and wonderful memories. I came to the same conclusion at the end of my not so good day. Each day is a blessing from God. Though sometimes it is hard to find the good in it, it could always be worse. We are blessed in so many ways! Thanks for your comment. We are also blessed to have you and your family in our lives! Love ya!

ErinOrtlund said...

It's good to get perspective. I was feeling sorry for myself because Eric has been sick for a long while, and my dishwasher broke, etc. Then I heard about that pastor in Texas (Matt Chandler) who just had brain surgery to remove a tumor (unclear whether it's benign or malignant). Whoa, that puts a bad cold and a broken dishwasher in perspective. He has a wife and 3 young kids. I saw a video of him before his surgery where he said he was honored God would let him go through something like this so he could point to Christ in his struggles.