WHY???

Audrey loves to ask questions.

Some days the sheer volume of questions is staggering. One day I thought I would write them all down so that later, when Audrey got older, we could look back on them and have a laugh. Then I realized that the baby would never get changed, errands would never get run, laundry would never get folded, and no one would eat all day if I took on that task. So I gave it up after about five minutes.

Her favorite question by far is "Why?"

Before I had children, I believed that I would patiently answer all my children's questions. I would not be a mom who said "because I said so." I would encourage this mentally stimulating exercise because after all, 'no question is a silly question'.

Whoever said that obviously never raised a preschooler full-time.

The majority of questions asked by small children have no clear answers. Example. Today we are driving to the store for groceries. I say, to make converation, "I think it's supposed to rain later on." First, I hear from the back seat "WHAT???" at full blast. So I repeat my comment, a little more loudly this time. Audrey says "But why is it going to rain?" At this point, I used to dive into a little explanation of water being trapped in clouds until it overflows, and rain comes down. After being met with a blank expression multiple times in regards to this type of answer, today I simply cut to the chase: "It's going to rain, because it just is." A minute goes by. Then Audrey asks, "why does Kmart start with a K?" It just does, Audrey. "Why is that car blue?" Because it's painted that way. "But why did they paint it blue and not red, red is my favorite color." Because maybe blue is that man's favorite color. On and on my day goes.

I wonder if she will ever outgrow the 'why' phase. Of course, I do want her to continue to be inquisitive and curious and thoughtful, and some day I know she will ask really good 'why' questions, as she sometimes does now. This is what keeps me from getting too impatient with all the 'whys.' I don't really want to squelch her growing interest and curiosity about the world around her. But truly some days . . .

However, if we're honest with ourselves, we never truly grow out of our desire to know 'why', do we?

A few years ago, shortly after moving about 1000 miles across the country, I miscarried our second baby. I was absolutely devastated. And angry. And boy, did I want to know why. Of all babies in the world to die, why mine? Why, God, does a crack addict in Philly with no husband, money, family, etc. carry a child to term, while I - a healthy woman with a stable and relatively dysfunction-free home - lose mine? Why did you let this happen to me when I feel so vulnerable and alone? I realize that I was like my daughter - asking a question to which there was no clear answer.

Why did it happen? Well, as I say to Audrey, it just did. I honestly don't think I will ever have a full understanding here on earth of why I lost this baby. Even the doctors couldn't say why. Some things are a mystery. I realize now, that once I let go of wanting to know why and accepted that this was part of God's plan, I could start moving on and live my life, not just look backwards and wonder what went wrong.

What I DO know is this: That God created and loved that little life, even more than I did. Yet for some reason, He was more glorified by bringing that little one to His side right away. And once I trusted in the Lord's goodness, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.

I look forward to meeting with Jesus some day in Heaven. I have a lot of questions for Him! And like my daughter, a lot of them will start with 'why.' :) Meanwhile, I will have to learn to be content and know that for now, here on earth, the answer from God will often be "because I said so." Being okay with that answer is really the heart of learning to trust Him.

Tis a gift to be simple

Audrey has a new obsession: wrapping presents.

For the past few months Audrey has been pestering me morning, noon and night for scotch tape and wrapping paper and ribbons "to wrap presents." So jokingly I said to her one day, "Audrey, I'm getting you tape for your birthday." Well, apparently she took me seriously, because when my mom asked her a few weeks later what she wanted for her birthday, she said without hesitation - "Tape!" So . . . for her birthday . . . you guessed it. . . she got 4 rolls of scotch tape.

So, she is currently in scotch tape heaven, especially since I also bought her her own roll of wrapping paper at the dollar store! For her afternoon rest time, I send her to her room with these treasured items and she spends the next hour quietly wrapping all kinds of little trinkets. When rest time is over, she presents me with these little gifts (each hermetically sealed with about half a roll of tape each) and we pretend to be surprised about what is inside each one. Usually it's a marker or shell or some small toy that she has lying around. I never knew that the secret to some peace and quiet around here could be found at Staples. So let me tell you - I'm loving it.

Sidenote: I'm not quite sure what to do about Christmas. How do you wrap wrapping paper?? Do we even bother buying presents or should we just let her collect all the leftovers and have a heyday wrapping stuff?

It does give me pause, however. For her birthday this year, she received a two-wheeler bike, a bunch of Littlest Pet Shop toys, some books, some Polly Pockets. And by far her most played with present is the scotch tape!

Simple pleasures. Sometimes we as parents get caught up in buying our kids things that WE think will make them happy. We may bend over backwards looking for the new "hot" toy for Christmas. We may get them something we would have liked as little girls. We sometimes, if we are honest, try to keep up with the Joneses. And for what? If we ask them, what do THEY want? Usually it's something simple - a lollipop, a trip to the park, a chance to lick the bowl of frosting . . .

Then again, all they may want . . . is just a little scotch tape. One of the beauties of having children is that they help us to look at the world with new and less complicated eyes. So may we all find such joy in the simple things of life. I can't say that I am able to do this every day. But I'm working on it.

Patience

I recently read a quote that said that we should not pray and ask God to give us patience, but we should ask Him to help us learn patience.

Well, I sure am sorry I prayed that prayer ... because God sure is answering in the form of one certain 4 year old cutie that lives under our roof!

This kid should be a trial attorney. She will argue her points to the death, and has quite a long memory for the one time there was an exception to the rule ("but remember that time you DID let me eat two candies after dinner? why can't I have two now???")

I can just hear her in twenty-five years - "But Your Honor, in article XYZ of legal code I4GET it says blah blah blah, and besides, last year you let Person A off the hook for the same infraction. . ." (Although if the judge says 'no', I'm hoping she will have grown out of that "throw yourself on the floor if you don't get your way" stage . . .) But really, what is it about kids that they can remember the most minute detail when it benefits them but somehow forget the warning you gave them 30 seconds ago? Aargh . . .

The other area of patience with this unnamed family member is in listening to her stories (which at least do not involve bad behavior!) If this kid isn't an attorney, she will be a novelist because pretty much every story she tells lasts about 2 weeks. And listening for her requires eye contact. So if you aren't looking, she just may start over, which - let me tell you from experience - you DON'T want to happen :)

Most days I do not feel very patient. In fact, every morning I pray that I will be more patient, then every evening I ask for forgiveness because once again, I have lacked patience. However, I must be at least gaining in the patience department because others will sometimes say to me "wow, you seem so patient with your kids. Don't you ever yell? I can't picture you yelling." And my response is "ummm, well, I don't yell at the baby . . ." Of course I yell, folks! All moms do sometimes, if they're honest!

But for me, learning patience isn't really a matter of yelling or not (because generally, I'm not a big yeller); for me, it's the spirit in which I deal with my kids. Am I annoyed by one more request for juice and snacks? Am I complaining about my lack of sleep because of a teething baby? Am I frustrated when my little ones don't do things MY way? For me, this is the daily battle, it isn't just a matter of action, but a matter of the heart.

So ... I will continue to pray that I will learn patience. Not just for the sake of my children, but for the sake of my growth. I sure have a long way to go, but I'm learning . . . .

Fall Fun

Last week Chad took Friday afternoon off and we went to Linvilla Orchards for apple picking and to visit "Pumpkinland". Both kids really enjoyed it.

Carter is wondering if he can fit the little pumpkin in his mouth.

Audrey tried to convince us to adopt half the pumpkins off the lot!

Hanging out in the wagon

Getting a boost from Daddy

Even Carter did a little sampling of the apples!

Happy Boy

Just posting a picture of our happy boy Carter. He is 8 months old now! No crawling yet but he sits up well and plays with his toys. His current faves are spitting (aka blowing raspberries, just ends up with a lot of slobber everywhere!), playing in the bathtub, clapping his hands, and feeding himself puffs. We have finally reached the milestone of sleeping all the way through the night without an early morning meal! Woo hoo! (Of course, now a tooth is about to come in so that has thrown the sleep thing off a little bit ...)

But we are so thankful for our happy, chubby, cheeky & smiley little blue-eyed boy.

The poor & needy among us

Today in church our pastor was teaching on a verse from Proverbs that says "... whoever is kind to the needy honors God." Now, Pastor D. was talking mostly about the disadvantaged in our society; however, I started thinking about my children. I have to admit, sometimes I am so exhausted by my children's neediness. As I said to my mom the other day, sometimes it feels like everyone wants or needs a piece of me, and by the end of the day there are no pieces left. I feel emptied out. Drained. I don't know, maybe I'm getting old. But the danger for me personally is that I tend to get resentful. Then I am easily angered by another request for juice, help, attention, bottom-wiping, etc. -- all normal parts of a mommy's day. I find myself snapping, having an attitude, and not serving with gladness!

A wise friend spoke recently of looking at your children as "the least of these" - and remembering that Jesus says "whatever you have done for the least of these, you've done it unto Me." When I truly embrace this thought, I find myself having so much more patience with my kids. NOT resenting another request for help. NOT losing my temper over my daughter's snotty attitude. NOT feeling sorry for myself about all the lost sleep. ENJOYING playing another game of Bingo/Chutes & Ladders/Go Fish. HAPPY to listen to another never-ending story (and my girl has LOTS of those!!)

So Lord, help me to remember that you have entrusted some "poor & needy" to me in my own home. And help me to be "kind to the needy" so that I honor You today.

Birthday Girl

I can't believe our "little girl" is already 4 years old. Here are some pictures of her celebrations!

Celebrating with family on Labor Day



Enjoying pizza and laughs with her friend Emma at Chuck E. Cheese
(on her "real" birthday)

Audrey is becoming quite a little lady. Here is a picture of her first day of preschool this year. She loves school. She thinks it's funny that one of her teachers is named "Amy" like Mommy.
(sorry that the picture is sideways, new to this blogging thing and still can't figure out how to flip it!)