More Valentine party observations

After Chloe's party at preschool today, I have decided that the amount of Valentine "loot" children give is related to birth order. 

For example:
Firstborn - Child brings a Valentine for each friend (usually homemade, probably off pinterest and completed 3 weeks ago) PLUS an entire goody bag of treats for each child (all healthy or organic and including fun non-edible items).  Mom FOR SURE attends the class party, because she is homeroom mom.

Second born - Child brings a Valentine plus a single item for each child, by gender (ie, boys get "boy" valentines, girls get "girl" valentines, plus a lollipop thrown in for good measure).  Mom sometimes attends party but might forget to sign up soon enough to ensure her "spot" as a helper.

3rd+ born children - Child has to remind parent about buying Valentines and they are usually whatever is left at Target the night before the party.  They may or may not be geared toward gender.  (Hey, don't they teach you in preschool that "you get what you get and you don't get upset?" :)  Sometimes they might include leftover halloween candy.  Mom has attended enough preschool  parties already and is done. :)

Okay, this is slightly exaggerated but judging from Chloe's Valentine mailbox, not too far off.....

In my defense, I did get Chloe gender specific valentines, they were bought well ahead of time, and no halloween candy was used.  :)

But I didn't go to the party.  :( 

Next year my 2 older kids will be in school all day so I am totally there!

Unless I forget to sign up in time.....

The agony of defeat

No, this blog post has nothing to do with sports despite the title I've given this post.

It is more reflective of my feelings at the moment.

I have not blogged in awhile.  Part of that is because we have been very busy making memories throughout this summer....memories with family, enjoying friends, celebrating birthdays, holidays, etc.  It has been very fun and active and busy and herein lies the problem:

I am worn out.  Frustrated.  Unfortunately, embarrassingly, -but honestly - not enjoying some of the memory making.  Weary and  feeling guilty and angry and defeated all at once.

I want to be clear here - I am so, so thankful for the time and opportunity to be home with my kids.  To celebrate special occasions with family.  To have my in-laws here at our home for a visit. They are blessed times, and I thank God for them. 

But I have also found myself dissolving in tears at many moments throughout the last few weeks, and I am not a crier.  Looking at my husband with wide, frightened eyes and saying the words "I. am. losing. it...."  And truly, feeling like I am going to lose it.  Like I want to get in the car by myself and drive far, far away for awhile.

I know what part of the problem is.  I have - AGAIN - been having sleep issues with Chloe that I am at a loss as to how to solve.  Third time mom...and I cannot solve this.  There have been strings of days where I am up every hour or two throughout the night with her.  And so I wake in the morning wondering how I am going to make it through the day.  And yes, I have prayed about it, and yes, by God's grace somehow I do make it through the day.  But do I make it through the day "well"?  Am I the kind of mother I want to be that day?  No.  I don't have the energy to play.  I hide out in my room during Chloe's nap and let the other two kids watch hours of TV.  I throw together lame, half-processed dinners.  I am not fun to be around.  And this is what leaves me feeling so defeated.  I don't want to live in survival mode.  I want to thrive!  I want to have something to give.  And some days - I just don't.  I. just. don't. :(  It makes me sad just thinking that thought.

I also feel defeated because the beginning of the summer was truly wonderful.  We had so much fun as a family.  Everyone was in a positive frame of mind.  And then slowly it changed.  My now three year old is becoming - well, a three year old - with all the "fun" behavior issues that age seems to entail.  She is really fun and sweet and cute - and then she is NOT.  Then there is hitting and screaming and meanness and blatant disobedience.  There are behavior issues I am having with her that I have never had with Audrey or Carter (well, at least not at this level of intensity!)  And I am so tired that it is really hard for me to be consistent.  And then I am disciplining in anger, and that never seems to be very productive.

Having all 3 kids home also tries my patience and my need for quiet and aloneness.  You can ask my mom, I have always been someone who needs my alone time.  And now even "quiet time" around here is punctuated by requests for drinks, snacks, "can I get out this toy?" {yes}, "can I watch TV?"{for the umpteenth time, no}.  Perhaps I need to have more clear boundaries in different situations.  I am thinking about how to change that.  I am also thinking about how I can enforce more quiet in the day for all of us.

Many people are able to send their kids to summer camp for a "break".  I am not able to do that financially.  This didn't really bother me....but then I started thinking, feeling guilty that my kids are "deprived" of the opportunity to go.  Even though not a one of them asks to go to camp, or even wants to!  I start questioning myself as a mother.  Am I giving them all the opportunities they should have?  When I take a big step back, I know that my kids are fine, and that they live fun and well-rounded lives.  I have realized that I am making the mistake of listening to the wrong voice in my head, the one that is condemning, the one that makes comparisons that need not be made.  I need to tune that out and focus on what GOD has to say to me about my children and what they need.  I was really doing well with listening to God about how to disciple my kids towards the beginning of the summer, but now?  Not so much.  I am working on that too. 

I have hesitated to blog because I don't want my blog to be a place of complaining and whining....but I guess I feel like sometimes we need to be honest and write about the reality of life as a parent.  It is not all hugs and sweetness and dandelion bouquets, although there are many of those moments as well.  But it is also hard work that God has called us to that sometimes stretches us to our limits.  The other day I read in Jesus Calling a little snippet that reminded me that all we need to do is whisper His name, "Jesus," and He is right there with us.  I have been whispering His name a lot lately.  Truly needing to know that He is with me in the difficult moments.  And that I can do all things through Him, who strengthens me.

I also know that I have been so busy with traveling and company and birthdays (we have 2 of those in July in our house, plus a variety of extended family with June/July birthdays as well).  Consequently, I have not had the time with God that I want to have.  Early in the summer I was getting up early, before the kids, and going out on our deck with coffee and my Bible.  It was such a refreshing way to start my day.  So peaceful.  But that has gone by the wayside as I have tried to get every last moment of sleep that I can.  (And the kids started getting up earlier and earlier as the summer went on....ugh.  I'm just not ready to get up at 6am to "beat" them at getting up!)  But I need to step away from facebook and the TV and use my down time seeking out God's wisdom for me and our family.  Because, if you haven't picked up on this yet, I desperately need Him. :)

So that is what has been going on with me.  I promise that my next post will not be such a downer (not to mention that I have about 50 bazillion pictures of all the summer time birthdays and celebrations and such that I should post....)  But I feel like we all as parents need to know that we are not alone in our struggles.  So I will share about them here....for better or worse.  Just keeping it real, folks. :)

My Pinterest Home - the summer look

Welcome to my home! 

Extreme Makeover - Summer Kid Edition

 

This summer I have an 8, 5 & almost 3 year old home 24/7.

They are having lots of fun and helping "summer-ize" our look.

Lincoln Logs, K'nex, Tinkertoys, Legos, blocks, dollhouses, coloring books & markers.... my house is just trashed "decorated" all the time.

I have decided to just go with this summer look.

Do you think anyone on Pinterest would be interested in our summer home makeover?

 Matchboxes strewn artfully all over the couch....

 Legos on the floor...

 K'Nex creations decorating my side table...

 More K'Nex (and instruction pages) scattered willy-nilly on the chair...

 Lincoln Log houses right in the middle of the carpet...

 Doll house furniture welcoming you at the top of the stairs....

 Blocks dumped out (Chloe's DIY stool to reach the bathroom sink)....

Doll house set up with furniture all around.
Actually, the dollhouse decorating might actually be pinterest-worthy.
Audrey's a great decorator!

I don't even have photos of my deck...which is decorated with beach towels drying over the backs of deck chairs and hanging off the railings. :)
DIY forts and drying racks!

I just have decided to embrace our summer look.
Yes, I do make them clean up at the end of the day.
But come by some time midday....and you never know what you may find!

I am choosing to believe that the mess summer look is a sign of brilliant & creative minds at work. :)
Or at least just kids havin' fun!

Goodnight Moon

A bedtime exchange:

Me:  I love you, Carter.

Carter:  I love you more.

(This is kind of a usual little exchange we have that he thinks is fun.)

Me:  I love YOU to the moon.

Carter, my lover of all things celestial:  I love you to Uranus! No! I love you to PLUTO!

Me:  I love you to Pluto and back!

Carter:  I love you to the Sun! {pause} And the Sun is the greatest love because the Sun can hold one million earths. 

Carter.....you are one special boy.

Sweetness is....

....sending your little boy out in the front yard to play

....hearing a little knock on the door a short while later

....seeing  his sweet face bursting with pride and joy as he clutches a small bouquet

 ....watching him hand them to you

....hearing him say "Mommy, I picked 3 dandelions - one for you, one for Audrey, and one for Chloe!"

....bursting with happiness at the sweet and thoughtful heart God has given him - today, for the girls in his life

....praying that he will continue to grow into a kind and caring young man who cherishes the women in his life.  

Recognition, Part 2

I read this article called "Motherhood as a Mission Field" on another blog and I thought it expressed what I was trying to say in my other "Recognition" post ... only much more eloquently than I could say it!  (AND, the writer has 5 children ages 5 & under so props to her for writing so clearly when she should surely have massive brain fog!)

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-as-a-mission-field

And no, I am not writing this from the shore ... I just had it post today!

Recognition

Recently at our church they began something called "You've Been Mugged."  Basically, the idea is that somebody (the pastor or elders, I assume) notices something that someone is doing that benefits the church and/or others, and that person gets a special "GVF" (Grace Valley Fellowship) mug.  And they print your name in the bulletin and they usually call you up to the front to accept your mug.  Pretty cool idea, huh?

Well, Audrey has kind of latched onto this.  Every week she asks me: "Mommy, when are you going to get a mug?" And I say "Audrey,  I don't really do anything much to merit a mug.... so probably never."   Basically - don't hold your breath, kid.

Now, yes, I do teach the toddler class once a month ... but there are at least 20-25 other people who teach as well.  Some more often, and more ably, than me.  And Chad and I lead a small group ... but really he is more the leader, and I mostly send a few emails and such.  Nothing big.  I try to help how I can.  But the truth of the matter is, I have 3 young kids and limited time, energy, and talent at this point.  Now, some people can have 10 kids and still manage to lead the women's ministry and teach Sunday School and host events for 100 people, no sweat.  But I am not one of those people.  So, I do the little bit I can, and I make room for my husband to do ministry at church, and I am in the background.

And I have to admit, that deep down, this sets off a whole series of {not so admirable} emotions inside of me.

It's nothing against recognizing people for their valuable efforts and service.  I'm all about that.  And the church doesn't only recognize "important" people -- they have recognized "behind the scenes" kind of people as well, which I think is especially wonderful.

I guess the problem is .... my natural inclination is to feel a bit like a nobody in comparison.

And here is the thing that irks me:  I KNOW that I am not a "nobody".  God has gifted me with a husband and children that are my primary ministry.  I feel that very strongly.  I know, I know, I know that this is what God has called me to do for now.  (Well, and forever in many ways ...)

So why the "feeling like a nobody"?

Because I am listening to the wrong voice.  When I "feel like a nobody" it is because I am believing a lie -- a lie that Satan wants me to believe.  The lie that what I do "in public" is what matters. 

The TRUTH is that God values everything you or I do that is for HIS glory - whether that is in public or in private.  Right now in my life, most of what I do is at home, just the kids and me, so it is very much "private".  But I know that God sees me.  He sees what I do (or don't do).  He knows what I am thinking about (good or bad).  And He recognizes every time I do what He has called me to do with a right attitude and thankful spirit.  In a sense, I need to think to myself that when I make the right choices and when I listen to His leading ....well then, I am receiving my very own "mug" of sorts in God's book, which is where it really matters, right? 

I say this because if you are like me, then you may also struggle at times with feeling like your "work", whether at home or church or otherwise, has value.  And I want to encourage you that YES!!  It does.  It has eternal value.  God knows our hearts and sees our deeds.  And for me that is encouraging - and convicting! - all at once. 

I read this quote YEARS ago and I had it hanging on my office wall for years as a reminder of this very thing.  My "calling" at that point was so very different.  There was no husband and there were no children at the time. But the message was and is still apropos, so I am leaving you with it today.  Here it is:

"The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. It’s overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt."
— Leo Buscaglia

Thinking, thinking

Thinking about a lot of things these days.  (This probably also explains my lack of blogging.  Too much churning around.)

My neighbor Gabby is on my mind each day.  She has just begun chemo and radiation 2 days ago, and is already dealing with side effects.  Her parents are by her side constantly.  I just can't imagine how hard this must be for them all.  It breaks my heart, and I pray for them all the time.

Then I look in my own children's faces.  I think about how it could just as easily be one of them down at CHOP.

And then I think about how often I am not really listening to them.  I think about how often I lose my patience.  I think about how I make too big a deal about things that really don't matter in the scheme of things.  I think about how I take for granted that they will grow up and go to college and get married and give me grandbabies and do great things for God. 

Then I also think about how quickly they are growing and changing.  And how I need to just soak up the kids' every last little smile, giggle, spoken word, and yes, even the not-so-shining moments of their lives.  Because we never do know how much time we will have with them.

A month ago I was hoping summer break would go quickly and wishing that Chloe would grow up a little faster.  Now - if there is one little positive thing that I can take from Gabby's situation - I have such a different viewpoint.


Yes, the days are long and tiring and filled with negotiations and cooking and cleaning up and settling squabbles and running errands and cleaning up some more .... but now my perspective is less "grin and bear it" and more "grin and just enjoy it all." 


This evening we put the kids to bed, and as I kissed Audrey good night she wanted me to lay down with her for a few minutes.  My usual response is - No, I need to go finish the dishes/fold laundry/etc.  But tonight, I said okay and climbed up into her bunk bed and laid down.  We ended up having a long conversation about something that was on her mind and I was able to pray for her, that she would trust God and not be afraid.

I wonder how many times I have missed out on these kind of moments because I am too busy or preoccupied.  Or even more embarrassingly - because I have a TV show I want to watch.

Now realistically, as parents, we have limited time and resources to offer our children.  It would not be wise or even healthy for me to drop everything every last time the kids wanted my attention (because the desire for attention can be bottomless sometimes, and they do need to learn that the world does not revolve around them alone.)

BUT.  I can slow down and take the time to listen more.  I can enjoy playing with them.  I can discipline them in a way that teaches them and doesn't put them down.


Father God ....thank you for my beautiful family... and help me to love them well and be grateful for however long you give us together on this earth.

It's official: I'm a mother.

As if the c-section scar didn't confirm it for me... you know you're a mom when:  you are sitting up at night, long after the children have been put to bed, stitching together a bunny costume.  :) 

The first graders at Audrey's school are putting on a "zoo night" tomorrow evening.  They have learned some zoo-related songs.  They have researched their chosen animal at the school library.  They have designed and colored a habitat background to stand in front of and answer animal-related questions.  And apparently their mothers have been hard at work coming up with costumes!

So I have spent the last few nights working on this:

 

Okay, these ears were actually bought by Grandma at Easter.  THANK YOU GRANDMA!

(One less thing to try to put together!)

 But this beautiful bunny shirt was handcrafted by yours truly, haha!

 Yup, I have spent a few hours stitching feather boa material to the edges of this previously boring gray t-shirt, as well as adding a pink felt "tummy."

 Then I spent a while surfing the web learning how to make a pom-pom ball (aka a bunny tail) out of yarn.  So I made a huge awesome tail!  But then I realized it was way too big and heavy.  So then I made another smaller tail.  THEN, I spent quite a bit of mental energy wondering how to attach it to the shirt!  

(I finally just glued it to a clothespin.  Hope it stays!)

I'll have to post a picture of Audrey in her get-up after zoo night tomorrow!

Speaking of being a mommy ... Chloe spent quite a bit of time and energy trying to put this little beaded necklace on her dolly this morning.  My girlie loves her babies!

(I think I see some costume-making in her future ....)

Happy Mother's Day!

I want to wish a gigantic Happy Mother's Day to my Mom, my Mom-in-law, and all my other Mom friends out there!  It is a special gift to be a Mom.

And to those of you who have lost moms recently or not-so-recently ... or who are hoping to be moms someday and waiting.... or who have lost children ... you are not forgotten.  Prayers and hugs to you on this potentially difficult day.  May God's love and comfort surround you.

St. Patrick's Day = Failure

You know, sometimes as a mom you can't win.

I decided  - now that I feel like some of the "fog" of baby brain has lifted - to try to do something more "fun" for St. Patrick's Day.  A holiday which I have previously ignored despite my being part Irish.

So I was thinking about food.  My first thought of course was corned beef, but seeing as I have never made corned beef - and I can't even recall ever eating corned beef  - I quickly crossed that off the list.  My next thought was Shepherd's Pie - but then I realized that 2 out of 3 kids LOATHE mashed potatoes.  (I know, what is wrong with them???)  So I finally settled on "fish & chips" which for me meant heating up frozen Gorton's fish fillets and french fries.  Lame, but at least I thought they would eat it ... especially since I was making a mint chocolate chip ice cream pie for dessert! 

Well, Carter & Chloe would not touch the fish.  Chad asked "What exactly is this that we're eating .. chicken strips?"  Audrey ate the "Irish fish" (as she called it) without complaint, especially after she heard about dessert.  But she has always been my best eater.  So very mixed reviews on dinner.  Not really very fun after all.

But besides that - I forgot to dress any of my children in green.  This morning I went to the bus stop and every. single. kid. had on green.  Complete with special green shamrock hairbows and skirts and shirts, etc, etc.  Audrey wore green pigtail holders but that was it.  She then came home and asked if she had anything green to wear outside to play.  Of course I could not find one single green item in her entire wardrobe.  Fail.

Then Audrey asked why the leprechauns didn't mess up anything in our house.  (And I am thinking - leprechauns are supposed to mess things up?  News to me... I thought they were looking for a pot of gold...)   Fail again.

Sheesh.  Back when I was a kid my mom didn't do any of this stuff and I never felt ripped off.  (Of course none of the other moms did all this stuff either ...)  I have to say - I am finding it irritating that every single little holiday is now filled with great expectations ... expectations that all fall on the Mom.  Which is fine if you are Miss Creativity and full of fun ideas and unlimited time and money.  But apparently I am not THAT mom. 

Seriously.  Valentine's Day used to mean giving each classmate a valentine.  Now it means giving each classmate a valentine plus candy/a pencil/a goody bag.  Easter used to be finding a few eggs in the yard and a basket of candy.  Now it seems - if the latest Target ad is any indication - that it also involves presents AND toys AND baskets of candy.  And I LOVE Christmas but don't even get me started.

I know that I don't have to choose to "keep up with" everyone else.  But it is hard when your kids come home wondering why you didn't do all these things that everyone else did .... it makes you feel - well, a little like a failure.

Anyhow - I know I am a good mom despite my St. Patrick's Day failings.  So I'm not up on all the cool creative things you're supposed to do.  So no one wore green.  At least I am confident that today I spent time with my children and  loved them and treated them well.  That's what they will remember in the long run.

And the mint chocolate chip ice cream pie?  Well ... at least that was a hit.  :)

Beauty & the Beast

No, this is not a blog post about me and Chad ... haha.

Today Audrey and I got to have some special time together - just the two of us.  We have been looking forward to it all week!  Although this morning, I have to admit - I was wondering if we were going to have a good time.  I was feeling tired and for whatever reason, Audrey woke up in a funky mood which seemed to linger throughout the day.  But after many prayers for patience whispered under my breath, we ended up having a fun afternoon.  ;)

 

Audrey with her Belle doll, which she wanted to bring along

So... we went to see a high school production of Beauty and the Beast.  I was so amazed at the fact that high schoolers pulled off such an amazing show - especially musically.  (I didn't know a single kid in the show but I was really proud of them!)  Afterwards we went out to dinner together.  After talking her out of yet another trip to McDonalds, we ended up at Friendly's.

It's  interesting.  These kind of excursions are not only enjoyable for me as a parent, but are also a bit enlightening.  For example, I don't know why - but I expected Audrey to be much more outwardly "excited" throughout the afternoon.  I guess because she had been talking about going to this play with me for weeks.  Then when we were there she was so reserved about it that I actually wondered if she even was enjoying it.  Durirng the intermission I was asking her what she thought about the show and she gave me very short answers.  I actually felt a little discouraged that we weren't "talking" much but just kind of hanging out together .  I had to tell myself to not have expectations but to just enjoy the time together and trust that it was worthwhile whether we "talked" or not.

But later on I had a little revelation - Audrey is in many ways a lot like her mama.  We both tend to hold a lot of our feelings and emotions inside. I think we both - in the midst of something - are so busy processing our thoughts and feelings internally  that it may not appear to those around us like we are having any feelings at all.  I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone but me .... but it was a little like looking in a mirror.  Anyhow, she may not have said much about the day in the moment.  But when I was tucking her in tonight, she wanted me to lay down for a few minutes with her.  I am glad I did!  She proceeded to talk about our day, and ask me who my favorite character was in the play, and we had a nice little discussion about the whole thing.  So I guess that she just needed some time to take it in and think about it before she was ready to talk.  ;) 

Anyway - that was my little light bulb moment for today.  Thank you, God, for entrusting my Audrey to me and please help me to love her well, especially in the moments when I don't always "understand" her.  

***  Just in case anyone local is interested in the show - it was at Delaware County Christian School in Newtown Square.  I know they are doing 3 more shows next weekend if you're interested!
 

Life in our house, this week

The time has come in our family where we need these:

 Lately the craziness at the table has just been ridiculous.  So ....  time to intervene.

I told Audrey and Carter that for every rule they follow completely at dinner time, they will receive one point.  When they reach 100 points, we will take them out for ice cream.  Where they can practice their manners once again.As you can see, they have already earned 10 points ... beginner's luck?

Moving right along....

Chloe has bonked her head at least once a day for the last week or so.

And the following photos show why:

She loves to climb ... and she can now climb the coffee table, the sofa, the chairs ...

and she thinks she's a big kid.  

Only she's not. :)

  Fortunately she seems to have 9 lives...

Lately I am really enjoying watching the kids relate to each other.

"Big Kid" Chloe has taken to joining Audrey & Carter on the couch to watch Saturday morning cartoons.  Chloe's verbal repertoire now includes "Wa-wa" (Dora, as in the explorer) and "Wii"(as in the video game system).  Ugh.

But even more, I am enjoying seeing how Chloe has begun relating one-on-one with each of her siblings.

Audrey's relationship with Chloe is very much your typical big sister role.  Audrey enjoys reading to, carrying around, and "leading" Chloe in all sorts of girly fun.  I can just see the admiration growing in Chloe's eyes.  Everything Audrey has - Chloe wants to get into!

 It's nice because Audrey is old enough to actually help out with Chloe.  And maybe because of the age difference, there is very little jealousy or rivalry.  Audrey has been very helpful lately - so much that Chad & I decided (for a number of reasons) that she should get a small allowance now. 

I have never seen a kid so excited to make up a job chart for herself :)

Then there's Carter & Chloe.

 They are two little lovebugs.

(That is, when Carter is not tackling her or sitting on her head.  Like I said, 9 lives.... Although I really think he does it in love.  Kind of like how junior high boys tease girls they like? Yup, I'm going with that explanation....)

 

 They really do enjoy each other.

And since Audrey is gone at school all day, they spend a lot of time just the 2 of them.

Here they are - YES, watching TV together.  I love how he has his arm around her!

Seriously, they don't watch that much TV but the pictures sure seem to say otherwise!

Oh, and I'll leave you with this little news flash - Chloe STILL loves to chat on that phone!

11 step program for potential parents ...

I swiped this from a friend's facebook page.  Bet it makes you laugh!  (or at least smile ...)

Thinking of having kids?  Do this 11 step program first!

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

Truly amazing

Yesterday morning an amazing thing happened!

Audrey and Carter got up at 7 a.m. on the dot (on Saturday morning - sheesh, don't they know it's the weekend?) So being the great parent I am, I promptly went out to the living room, turned on Disney Channel for them, and headed straight back to my bed.

A few minutes of peace and quiet went by.

And then the amazing thing happened.

Carter yelled out ... catch this .... he yelled "DADDY!!!! DADDY!!!!"

What is so unusual about this?

The kids NEVER, EVER, EVER(!) call Daddy when they want or need something. It is ALWAYS Mommy.

After recovering from my shock, I almost sat right up and sang the Hallelujah Chorus!

But I was too comfy under my covers while Chad went out to get the kids drinks and cereal. :)

Bad Cat!

This afternoon our cat Diesel bit Chloe. I was mad and I yelled at Diesel: "Bad Cat! NO Biting!"

And 5 minutes later this is what I was witnessing ... (Diesel is to the left of the screen and partially obscured by the pillow)



Are they sponges or what??? Yikes. It starts young!

Sick, sick and sick

That would be Audrey ... Carter ... and now Chloe.

UGH. UGH. and more UGH!

I hate being so housebound! But if there is a silver lining ... at least they are sick this week, and not next week for Audrey's first week of school.

Say a prayer for me! Please!

Warning: Grossness alert

Ha!
You just had to look with a title like that didn't you???

The latest quote of the day from my smart little boy:

[I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Truly.]

Carter, after using the bathroom: "Mommy, my poo-poo look like the Washington Monument!"

Umm, why ... yes, it kind of does. Ick! (and a quick flush of the toilet ...)

Yes, he is a little smarty. And DEFINITELY a boy.

If she only knew ...

Today Audrey & Carter were begging to go outside to play. Mind you, we had spent a few hours outside playing with friends midday, but now it was 4:30 and their internal clocks were saying "let us outside!"

I was stalling because, frankly, I did not want to go out into the 90-odd degree heat AGAIN. I finally said - "Audrey, I really don't want to go outside to play again."

Audrey paused and said "You know, Mommy, you can't always get to do everything you want to do all the time."

It was all I could do not to laugh my head off right then and there. Always doing everything I want to do? Oh my. If only ...

And then I took the kids outside to play. She can't claim that I only got to do what I wanted to today!

Today

The bad news today is:

Chad is out of town.
For 5 days.
I didn't sleep well last night.
Carter and Chloe woke up at 6:30 am.
Chloe has come down with a cold.
Carter decided he didn't want to take a nap today.
Chloe has decided that an hour and change is enough of a nap lately.
Audrey talks. a. lot.
Chloe played in the toilet today. Twice. And learned how to flush it too.
It was 90+ and humid, and the kids wanted to play outside.
Chloe choked on part of her dinner and threw it up.
Carter out and out refused to eat his dinner.
I am wiped. out.

The good news is:

Audrey is enjoying her swimming lessons.
I had EXACTLY $1 in change in my wallet to buy us soft pretzels at the Y - 3 for $1.
My friend Patti and her girls came over to play this morning and kept us company.
And they brought homemade granola.
Chad is having a good trip so far.
Chloe is enjoying trying to walk. And we are enjoying watching her!
Audrey and Carter spontaneously played hide-n-seek with each other. Twice.
The kids had fun riding their bikes with our neighbor friends.
Audrey's yucky tooth that has been hanging there for ages finally fell out.
The kids and I had popcorn and giggled through Wipeout this evening.
Oreos are a cure for what ails you.
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.